Promises

I, Sarah, have been struggling for the past several months with the changes occurring in my life. The good and the bad.

Since last May I've moved 4 times.

...I became a (house)wife.

...I was jobless.

...I've taken job positions that have nothing to do with my education.

...I started my own business.

Having to change my schedule up every few months with college, I've become better at adjusting to change but even with school I at least had control of my class schedule.

Had you asked me this time last year how much I trust God with my future plans I probably would have responded, "A lot, He has the ultimate control".

I'm eating my words.

It's been a struggle on a daily basis to give it up to God. I'm OCD about planning and organizing and there were days during my changes that I could physically feel myself playing tug of war with God. I wanted MY plans; I wanted things MY way. I want THIS job, with THIS salary; I wanted Nathan and I to live HERE. The list goes on. 

I became so frustrated with the process. I couldn't understand why God gives us free human will yet desires us to do His will, daily. I was angry with Him but at the same time I knew I couldn't get through it without Him. I was rationalizing with Him. We're going to Church. We're in small groups. I'm doing quiet time. So why did I still feel empty, not at all feeling His peace. 

I was so consumed with addressing the details of my life and expecting God to follow through that I lost sight of what is clearly stated in Romans 12:12: "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Wow. I've read that verse so many times but with the circumstances something hit me. Nothing in it says I have to work harder at getting my job, pray harder for a new place to live, or any physical act on my part. I had to renew my mind. Let it go to God, mentally I needed to let God have my problems. 

After a few months and several breakdowns the giving up to God is coming easier. What really helps is knowing that God won't let more happen to us then we can handle and with our trust in Him, He in return blesses us for those efforts. Trust me, I still have my days but with the cloud of control lifted, I can see what God is doing more clearly in my/our life. Even the little things amazes me because He knows that's exactly something I needed.