Hi.
I'm Sarah. I've somehow made it thirty times around the sun and am in the middle of this thing called adulthood.
I'm a ponytail or bun-wearing momma of two littles that I love and protect fiercely yet at the end of the day, I. Want. Alone. Time.
I have no bucket list but my husband and all my closest friends around me do. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up but do I have to be a something? I tend to get stuck in my ways, creature of habit, hate the change.
I'm a walking broadway production and you'll know rather quickly what kind of mood I'm in for the day. I don't {usually} fake it till I make it. I cry at the drop of a hat - commercials, soaps, the news. I laugh hard and feel oh so sorry for you if you can't do the same. I mean who doesn't love a laugh till you cry and your stomach hurts?? It's good for the soul, people! I've come to terms with not being the sweet joyful person someone turns to for comfort. At times my words are abrasive but I never mean to hurt feelings. I will apologize and I do filter before I speak.
I am terribly self-conscious of the way I speak and am understood. I've heard myself and I get that it's not the easiest thing to understand. I shy away from reading out loud and cower when people say "what did you say" or "Ohh I thought I heard....".I get embarrassed that it's not easier. What and Huh after I've spoken are common words around my house. Maybe it's really them not listening!
I hate keeping secrets. Secrets like friends telling friends of their new pregnancy is exciting and will eventually make it's way known. The other kind of secrets have a time and a place to become known. Ones where you're struggling with something or you've made poor choices. Talk to the appropriate person about it. Work through them. Don't keep it in.
I've come to terms with looking like a teenager 99% of the time. I'm not talking about the "looking good for your age" teen look. I'm talking about straight up lookin' like a sixteen year old at her first day in a new high school. Gangling and socially awkward. There are days when the hair and make up are just right and I feel more comfortable in this momma-skin. I try not to envy those mommas who are rockin' it and doing their thing with such confidence. One momma friend of mine is super easy going, go with the flow, creative, and kind. Another is a working 2 jobs mom of three yet has time to work out, be healthy eating, and involved at church. There are so many momma friends that rock it so well!
I fall in friend, hard. If we meet and I think you're the coolest thing since sliced bread, I'll fall in friend with you. Let's hang out. Let's lunch at Blue Baker. I want to take it to the next level and you meet my husband and do dinner. Funny thing, though, I only have a few close friends. I guess somehow I subconsciously filter friendships. Otherwise I'm pretty sure I'd have 50 BFFs.
I usually don't care what people thing yet somehow my mind likes to crave affirmation from the people I will never get it from. Like not even one small compliment or positive word. It crushes me a little on the inside. "Don't you like this meal?", "I actually did my hair and, nothing?", "This is my favorite dress that makes me feel confident and, zilch". Thankfully my spouse comes to my rescue and covers these wounds with his own sweet words but, still, wounded.
I'm an open book. Ask me anything. Seriously. From the intimate stuff, women stuff {hello, infertility for 2 year. I've heard all the physiological stuff. A LOT}, kid stuff, hubby stuff, interest stuff. I promise not to fall in friend with you too hard when the conversation gets good ;-) But please, please, PLEASE refrain from using words like breastfeed, or moist {I can't even type this without cringing}. I practically shut down. I just....bleh.
I don't feel like I'm a very talented person. I don't do one thing really well to say it's a talent. Perhaps I'm being too critical on myself but I know people who are talented at baking, sewing, loving on people, ministry and it's there thing, ya know? Oh sure I can cook and you don't want to spit out the food. I'm not a momma giving my kids lessons and learning stations - HA! yes, I use the TV to babysit. I know the things I can do and I stick with them, My comfort zone that I never wonder from.
Till now.
So I've left this till the end hoping maybe you've lost interest and won't read this far. There's one more I'd like to put out there because I really feel like I need to but it's tough. My hands are a tad clammy. I don't know why. I'm being crazy sensitive about it. I'm taking voice lesson. Yikes. Can I read music? No. I took piano lessons decades ago. So why?? Yeah, good question. About six months ago this stirring in my heart came out of no where. I'm still praying for clarity as to why God is taking me to an incredibly uncomfortable place . Even the music minister I'm working with wants me to sing louder because he can't hear me during lessons. Saying I'm not confident, nervous, intimidated, shy {me?!?!} is just the tip of the iceberg. Yet, here I am. There's one thing I am sure of and it's that God has me is this place. My so far out of my comfort zone and even feel a bit silly. We push our children to try something new because "it's not going to hurt" and "You'll never know till you try". With my own inner coaxing and small iota of confidence I'm telling my own self the same. Re reading this makes me seem petty but this is the biggest smallest thing going on in me right now that not even three people know.
I sometimes hate to use this space as a platform to broadcast life but at the same time, I feel the need to. We keep enough in that most people don't know the real us. It's easy to hid behind a curtain of smiles and "we're okays". Get over it. I just did! Let's go to Blue Baker and talk.
-The Momma
I'm Sarah. I've somehow made it thirty times around the sun and am in the middle of this thing called adulthood.
I'm a ponytail or bun-wearing momma of two littles that I love and protect fiercely yet at the end of the day, I. Want. Alone. Time.
I have no bucket list but my husband and all my closest friends around me do. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up but do I have to be a something? I tend to get stuck in my ways, creature of habit, hate the change.
I'm a walking broadway production and you'll know rather quickly what kind of mood I'm in for the day. I don't {usually} fake it till I make it. I cry at the drop of a hat - commercials, soaps, the news. I laugh hard and feel oh so sorry for you if you can't do the same. I mean who doesn't love a laugh till you cry and your stomach hurts?? It's good for the soul, people! I've come to terms with not being the sweet joyful person someone turns to for comfort. At times my words are abrasive but I never mean to hurt feelings. I will apologize and I do filter before I speak.
I am terribly self-conscious of the way I speak and am understood. I've heard myself and I get that it's not the easiest thing to understand. I shy away from reading out loud and cower when people say "what did you say" or "Ohh I thought I heard....".I get embarrassed that it's not easier. What and Huh after I've spoken are common words around my house. Maybe it's really them not listening!
I hate keeping secrets. Secrets like friends telling friends of their new pregnancy is exciting and will eventually make it's way known. The other kind of secrets have a time and a place to become known. Ones where you're struggling with something or you've made poor choices. Talk to the appropriate person about it. Work through them. Don't keep it in.
I've come to terms with looking like a teenager 99% of the time. I'm not talking about the "looking good for your age" teen look. I'm talking about straight up lookin' like a sixteen year old at her first day in a new high school. Gangling and socially awkward. There are days when the hair and make up are just right and I feel more comfortable in this momma-skin. I try not to envy those mommas who are rockin' it and doing their thing with such confidence. One momma friend of mine is super easy going, go with the flow, creative, and kind. Another is a working 2 jobs mom of three yet has time to work out, be healthy eating, and involved at church. There are so many momma friends that rock it so well!
I fall in friend, hard. If we meet and I think you're the coolest thing since sliced bread, I'll fall in friend with you. Let's hang out. Let's lunch at Blue Baker. I want to take it to the next level and you meet my husband and do dinner. Funny thing, though, I only have a few close friends. I guess somehow I subconsciously filter friendships. Otherwise I'm pretty sure I'd have 50 BFFs.
I usually don't care what people thing yet somehow my mind likes to crave affirmation from the people I will never get it from. Like not even one small compliment or positive word. It crushes me a little on the inside. "Don't you like this meal?", "I actually did my hair and, nothing?", "This is my favorite dress that makes me feel confident and, zilch". Thankfully my spouse comes to my rescue and covers these wounds with his own sweet words but, still, wounded.
I'm an open book. Ask me anything. Seriously. From the intimate stuff, women stuff {hello, infertility for 2 year. I've heard all the physiological stuff. A LOT}, kid stuff, hubby stuff, interest stuff. I promise not to fall in friend with you too hard when the conversation gets good ;-) But please, please, PLEASE refrain from using words like breastfeed, or moist {I can't even type this without cringing}. I practically shut down. I just....bleh.
I don't feel like I'm a very talented person. I don't do one thing really well to say it's a talent. Perhaps I'm being too critical on myself but I know people who are talented at baking, sewing, loving on people, ministry and it's there thing, ya know? Oh sure I can cook and you don't want to spit out the food. I'm not a momma giving my kids lessons and learning stations - HA! yes, I use the TV to babysit. I know the things I can do and I stick with them, My comfort zone that I never wonder from.
Till now.
So I've left this till the end hoping maybe you've lost interest and won't read this far. There's one more I'd like to put out there because I really feel like I need to but it's tough. My hands are a tad clammy. I don't know why. I'm being crazy sensitive about it. I'm taking voice lesson. Yikes. Can I read music? No. I took piano lessons decades ago. So why?? Yeah, good question. About six months ago this stirring in my heart came out of no where. I'm still praying for clarity as to why God is taking me to an incredibly uncomfortable place . Even the music minister I'm working with wants me to sing louder because he can't hear me during lessons. Saying I'm not confident, nervous, intimidated, shy {me?!?!} is just the tip of the iceberg. Yet, here I am. There's one thing I am sure of and it's that God has me is this place. My so far out of my comfort zone and even feel a bit silly. We push our children to try something new because "it's not going to hurt" and "You'll never know till you try". With my own inner coaxing and small iota of confidence I'm telling my own self the same. Re reading this makes me seem petty but this is the biggest smallest thing going on in me right now that not even three people know.
I sometimes hate to use this space as a platform to broadcast life but at the same time, I feel the need to. We keep enough in that most people don't know the real us. It's easy to hid behind a curtain of smiles and "we're okays". Get over it. I just did! Let's go to Blue Baker and talk.
-The Momma
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